i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize