she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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