This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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