She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
