No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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