Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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