I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
