whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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