dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize