Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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