Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
As shirtless as possible
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
