i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
