Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
