wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
