Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
