Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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