So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize