I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
