I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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