If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize