Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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