I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
