you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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