Fine. I'll sleep in my office
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
