Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize