Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
