In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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