i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
