Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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