And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize