i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
