does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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