The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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