I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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