i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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