don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
