It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
