There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
