How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
