i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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