I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
