Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
