Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
