i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
