worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
