So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
