I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
