Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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