Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
