I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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