my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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