ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
