I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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