Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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