theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
