Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize