I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
