She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize