So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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