I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My penis needs a shock collar
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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