i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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