So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
