I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
