is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I've blown a few things in my day
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
