I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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