There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize