he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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