I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
