my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
