I love black thongs
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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