honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
