I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize