it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize