My nipple is on Facebook.
Someone shit on the floor
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
