My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
