I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
