I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You don't make any sense
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