just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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