He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
