i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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