her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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