i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
