Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
