Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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