In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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