i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
