I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
