I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize