We named our party play list daddy issues
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
