Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
