it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
