I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
