we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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