You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize