so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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