kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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