Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
