Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
