He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
