I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
