If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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