Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
