her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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