So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
