i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
