By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
