Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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