I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
