I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
