just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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