The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
