i jhust puked up my retainher.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
