Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize