3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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